equality

i was approached by two of our janitorial staffs awhile ago aspiring to understand a month delay of payment on their rendered services.  while addressing their concern, one of them is crying and the other hid her tears from embarrassment leaving a painful smile.  i pause and read their eyes—"why must require us to beg and wait, for just a small partition of bread?"

as i speak, i don't know if you understand this:

"how fortunate to those who are in power where life is so sweet and just."

my shining moment in SGS

today, i look back through a mixture of memories:  memories of struggle and i shared.  i remembered i found myself at the bottom of the deep dim gutter the other day when my eyes flooded with tears and my heart inflate from the gushing wounds of year’s heartaches, rejection, denial, hatred, betrayal and other dealings with society seems to blitz my sentiments over and over again.

people think i’m strong all the time, i’m not.   i break like everyone else.   i’m not a super human.  i skip early morning shower every day.

my life has been challenging, full of endured hardships of life’s experiences.  yes, life was challenging at times but the lessons i’ve learned at SGS are invaluable.

when i finally scored a decent job nearly five years, life became a little happier; until the decision of involvement changed my life forever.  yes, absolutely.  why?  because i realized one important thing:  i do believe greater lessons are meant to be learned for everyone involved.  i’m nearly an instrument for the remarkable coaching that must be learned i acquire from my so called extended family.

i keep going.  i don’t know how—i just do.

i continue to create my little inventive gesture, sometimes i please a being who tells me they appreciate my ideas and that my fashion has affected their life in a positive way, and that makes me smile and warms my heart.

so, this morning in a long time—it was the first time i ever cried from being happy.

where have all the memories gone?

no words can better describe a feeling when a program station draws down a curtain with a sad ending.  years of unprecedented domination that captures the attention of its viewers that made the station its home and grew up with.  perhaps it would be far better safe to end it all while there were still remaining audience who believes and listens than continue and see no one there anymore.

nothing can equal a humble abode hidden from childhood memory that allows everything for a moment to recall and be silly.  house of memories built during the days of simplicity and has many stories attached to it that holds wonderful recollection of the family, friends and our lives in this neighborhood in which quickly became our home so many decades ago.  and, with misty years of warm accommodation and even how reluctant we agree, we have to leave the way we were.

years of acquaintanceship with over years of unrelenting camaraderie, it’s finally time to say goodbye.  it's a deceitful thing to do given that how you inevitably leave out people whom you cherish, respect, and despite differences, have managed to develop a great affection for.  so it's time to bid you a farewell and we are doing it in the most literal sense: a wish that wherever you fare, you fare well safely and in peace.

these are one of the basic illustrations of a mixture of sentiments gathered spinning at the corner of my mind considering how hard it is to let go and now they remain only in my memory.

abort or engage

generally, management of many is the same as management of few; it is only a matter of organization, based according to sun tzu.  and in any organization, competitive advantage can make a real difference between success and failure.  it is a challenge by the need to be always in top shape and continue its dominance over a long period, and if possible, for as long as the organization exists.  an organization can also be similar in a family setting which enables the couples plan ahead to support and continue a founded relationship in its fullest growth potential.

the success on its being depends on the leadership capabilities of a manager to a firm; vis-à-vis the supporting role of the father as head to his family.  both aim to achieve a conceivable direction necessary to drive the objective forward and keep moving; and, both faces defeat when the means changed from time to time caused by its internal difficulties.

in order to further explain, we can illustrate at this point a popular game jenga tower as our model.  now, let us stand both the manager and the head of the family as our players who cautiously place each piece at a time, sense to which side of the structure must be in need of additional support, and finally assess the results or impacts of the entire design.  to our players, it’s not just building a structural game—they plan to lead a stronger-than-average to powerful level, well-known reputation, and employs proven approach with their members involved.  how neat to appreciate tireless efforts of these people in charge on our welfare.  with their dedicated leadership, no obstructions will arise; except one of the painful threats of all is having a false flag on board.

fundamentally, the strategic concern of a leader in an industry and head of a family is how to sustain and maintain its position.  however, even if how careful they deliberate the obligation, chances of failure sometimes do occur not by whose authority controlling it but by those who defies it; and, no matter how conscientious they add pieces of block to a structure to fortify its footing, their members often test its credibility which causes the capital formation of its foundation recede to rubble.

trying to repair the damage, the management offers a new means to set the time in motion:  reengineering and continuous improvement.  we define reengineering by means of abandoning the old way of doing things and starting over.  it involves going back to the beginning and inventing a better way of doing work.  though it may lost its process focus it became synonymous with layoffs.  while continuous improvement, on the other hand, improves quality continuously through incremental steps.

this method may also be applicable to a disintegrating family—a family dispute which can be difficult and emotional.  when relationships change, it can be hard for family members to handle things on their own other than can still be salvage with solution.  what if none of the aforementioned diagnostic tool can deliver converged expectations and this uncompromising situation still persists?

how are you?

how are you, ________? 

i can’t fight to say these words to ask you while allowing myself to temporary stop for a moment and know how are you doing.  i can still recall yesterday how we meet.  those dreams came true and how glorious we found each other that day at the right place and at the right time.  that perfect moment our life joined as one and creates the best memory we had. 

you know how i cherish each day with you.  the dream i draw of all that you are to me that cannot be expressed.  if only you could see that world i am shaping for you, i wonder how my life would be without you in it.  i remember, everyday you take time to listen to me, talk to me, smile at me, laugh with me, and have fun with me.  now, how hurt i heard you found someone and settled down.  one of the hardest things can’t easily be accepted and believed that the love we made came so suddenly changed.

but, nevermind about me, i’ll be fine.  though it hurt, i am happy to found knowing that i once had you and then lost you.

Angelo Legaspi

courtship punishment

time swift unnoticed so as youth unlikely slipping and after all the years of labor to fulfill a reliable way of living, it’s time that i decide to settle down and have a family of my own.  except having said than done, how will i be able to reach that if not coursed thru by courtship—an amusing affair to engage with that i perceived it as a waste of time, why?

primarily because on each date, both go out for an exquisite dinner, offer sweets, flowers everyday, good grooming and behavior; so as any other type of surface acting that is temporary expresses sincerity to a strong feeling of passion.  then, once the stage of courtship chooses to settle permanently, either one of the two lovers opt to announce farewell—an awful memory haunts one’s nightmare; recalling the time and resources spent, all’s gone to waste.

what about, let’s skip the courtship engagement and move to a fixed relationship method of attack on my first date?  how can it be more heartfelt to see i declare about a dream family, future plans, stability to face any challenges, and certainty the two of us will overcome; will that prove to express a realistic sense of devotion?

as expected, even if i try this approach, she finds it weird and absurd.

wish list

it has been years since i’ve seen you happy,
years of endless joy no one can measure,
i can still recall your presence in my memory each day and all night,
with warmth that can never be the same and the following days to come.

i find bravery in you when you assert some discussion,
looks natural to me with that full of passion,
the nature in you seemed pure and realistic,
nothing can drag you down, you’re the envy of few!

but, what i see now is so much more than words can say,
i see you crying with a lot of pain,
and, the loss you’re searching for deepened more than fear,
sadness darkens this lonely road tonight.

i see you standing there looking at a distant,
clouded with loneliness even day turned night,
how cruel this world offer and life be?
no one dares to listen, all the way alone to nowhere.

i want to touch you and give you comfort,
i will love you and feel your long forgotten ways,
the hope you thirst for is within reach now and ever,
i’ll stay and be by your side forever,
you will never be scared again tonight.

but, what can i do you already made a decision,
i never thought that i was late and you already left,
the burden you shoulder is more treacherous and destructive,
you choose to be silenced and vanished without a trace,
with only a note praying death would come soon to an end.